I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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