So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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