i permit you to call me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
