from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
