epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
