Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone says I win the strip club
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
