Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
