just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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