is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
