Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
