matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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