Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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