Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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