my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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