Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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