Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
