I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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