it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
