I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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