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in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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