I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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