make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
