I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
