And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
