so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
