girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I supernannyed him into submission
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
