just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
