It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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