ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
