My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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