i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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