watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
MIDGETS
????
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
