Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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