"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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