A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think brook has ever known best
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
