is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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