I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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