I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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