HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
