I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
