i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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