he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
