i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
