Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
