So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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