She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
