She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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