Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
