I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
found the other keg... it's in the tree
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
