I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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