mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
