she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
