So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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