I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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